I just dont understand why she would lie to me after all the love weve shared all this time. He sent the email are u serious?? I hold my vows very close to my heart. My two closest friends both claim that if he said jump I would ask how high so I think I was attentive especially when he asked me for special items for dinner or what not I always make sure he had his request fufilled. She was a successful model, creative director of her own clothing line, a television host, lecturer, and mother of a beautiful baby girl. This is a way to avoid your hurt and not deal with your emotional health. My break up was a combination of factors above and under each one Andra (the author) has captured the essence. then he comes back home and is a great husband for another four months then next thing u know he leaves again . You have kids? I did what every online blog said not to do. Then my wife was charged with felonies 2 for fraud and 1 for forgery.. in 2015 she switch to alcohol now she has driven me and our kids out of the house to my parents I am biblical and believe I cannot get a divorce because what the Bible says. This went on until October 2015. Its very sad but I want her happy. For THIRTY years, I pined horribly over this bull****. He probably misses the way things used to be. As the spouse of a narcissist, I am the one with the problemthe one who is too sensitive, the one who cannot take a joke. Feeling an onslaught of negative emotions may make you want to reach for things that can immediately make you feel better. Is he really going to his parents house? I had told her that she needs help and that I was going to tell doctor about her abusing these pills. I borrowed the money for the lawyer from somebody else.he paid all the bills. My wife works commission base in medical field and she is a master manipulator. He finally moved out after telling the kids he had to find true happiness. Have evidence that he was cheating on me with my business partner /emotional affair? But from her doing that, she emotionally checked out from the built up resentment Im sure. I said no to moving out because a) I sole own the house and sole was paying the mortgage and B) I thought her behaviour was erratic and odd for the months leading up to her moving out plus I was getting fed up of rolling over to her whims. We both feel so strongly that we are right for each other, we trully do love each other. Me finding pills over and over hidden in her car. Left me 2000 to live off of after I got out of the navy from October to december. And worst of all, my spirit is broken. That some young girl paid attention to him. Good luckto us bothwe will be OK though. Theres a reason to leave someone. He just kept saying it was his problem. He decided this life, our life, wasnt for him.. People like this need to be shipped to separate country/island where this is acceptable. Shes not even close to the same sweet beautiful kind hearted soul I once knew. Go out with my friends. this is two months of my ugly experience. I dont intend to be mean when I do so. Im saying this because professional coaches at Relationship Hero helped me not only once but twice to get through a difficult time in my love life. Been engaged for the last 6 years and my fianc kind of held off getting married for some time. Needless to say, I reminded him of the timing he set up and we did not get married. Certain stresses have even been alleviated. Here you'll find all collections you've created before. Now he stops communicating with anyone that tries to talk him in to reconciliation. A week goes by and I join her for another visit for 11 days. Im heartbroken and sad for out two boys who love him so much. Dont you think you deserve better than that???? I never wanted any sort of separation or break. In January the kids want nothing to do with her because of the lies she has been telling plus my brother and his wife took her side, I just wanted them to be on the kids side. Was going to deal it away in 3 days if I would sign custody modification. My husband made cupcakes for my daughter and every home game for two seasons for four years of high school. Pray, Give it to God and keep Faith. So far he has not moved out as he had planned and keeps changing his mind on a daily basis. We both came from dust and we shall return to dust. Its so sad that 6 minths after he one-sidedly decided that OUR marriage was over, we are already divorced. They make promises, to you and your children, and when those promises are . It is the hardest thing I ever been through. You seem quite smart and extremely able to do this. :), I am retired navy vet and I read. For me Im hoping we can get back to normal but there is some doubt. 50 steps to see your kid and she couldnt be bothered, now I really lose faith. Usually it is a combination of both, dont you think? Every few weeks. It felt like we never stopped loving each other, she just needed some space and I never wanted to let her go. Im not comparing my experience, but evil is evil no matter what level it is onAgain Thanks for your response. He had been having an emotional connection with her for 3 years. I was so glad to finally have someone to love my first and only love that I stopped my destructive behaviours and together we were the quintessential happy young couple we were never great at sex, but for all other aspects of marriage even communication, we were as happy as good be. I am now about to head home and face this reality even though I didnt want to . Any words of inspiration would be appreciated, although the way Im feeling right now, I dont know if they would be of any comfort. My lawyer was shocked too and worked hard at just getting the things my mom gave me. Definitely start working out. I know youre hurting right now, and I understand that you want another shot with your husband. She is 49 and lives abroad and never married. Im so hurt right now I didnt know what I do wrong to deserve this..anyways as youve said people should move on it us very easy to say but when you are in situation is very hard. I feel like he used me when I was making a lot and now that he has to provide he packs and leave. Part of me want him back because I believed in him and that we could have grown to love each other. Im still not sure how he just left us like that. He left his phone in the locker and i walked around for another hour looking for them. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. She has a steady job and will not leave it. ?Confused please help. Ive always tried to change to be more what she wanted, but nope. I resented my husband a lot during this time. That we can t communicate, you werent there for me, we never had it right, every excuse in the book isnt flying with me. I split with my ex on Christmas. I was devastated! His health issues are not serious. She tried to abduct our son from daycare and it only didnt happen because my daycare worker knew of my wifes history and that Im more of the primary caregiver because of her instability. Think Ill skip the newsletter ty anyway. It took me 27 years to realize I had married a narcissist . I found out she already had a rental before she even told me. Dated on and off for 30y., 2 scholar-athlete teens, 4 college degrees between us, 3 solid careers and a nearly paid off house, and four years of kids college pre paid. And meeting another woman again is very difficult now for many of us single men too, now that Feminism is everywhere these days, Ok have to jump in here and say that half this list was well debated by surviving marriage members, who salvaged most the married groups helpful comments to suffering people going through the same similar situations advocated for on this list, leaving me to ponder this probably being horrible advice from the same site since many or Ill have ruined most my own relationships let me at least try to clear things up for honest hurting folks, people leave for 1 simple reason so both sides pay attention so your aware of whats up what you are really doing and choosing simple really they want to get that? Js. Funny thing, I didnt know it! Dont let me suffer too long. I explained I couldnt make it and walked away. My husband for 8 months blame everuthing in our marriage even though I was faithful every single deployment and training. Shes trying to re-connect with him, I see that, Im not blind. I am totally devastated. If there is another woman hes talking to you probably want to know that sooner than later so dont be afraid to confront him on it. She has not even called to see how our son is doing and its been 10 days. He hasnt come home in over two months. We loved like I have never experienced. Specific treatment for this is very hard to get and expensive. I asked her to leave after smashing a coffee cup and a lamp. We had a wonderful wedding Respect for you and the marriage: The narcissist will side with others against you, talk behind your back about you, and all the while smile like a Cheshire cat at you. I just gotta keep plugging along knowing deep down so much has gone wrong and continues and I just cant believe I brought children into this world with this person. She misses hosting family gatherings, although she still attends them at her husbands house. It was truly a mistake. Although she wasnt having a physical affair, she was having an emotional one. Things werent perfect between us for about a year, but after Christmas, I thought things had been going ok. We applied for a mortgage and it was in those weeks waiting for approval that he made the decision to leave, in early February 2017. I know it sounds stupid but I am still so in love with him and so upset Im still hoping he will come back this time. When she declared she was leaving to focus on her own happiness I was both frightened and relieved. I filed. You will be fine. My estranged husband wants a divorce after 23 years. My husband filed a bogus Restraining Order and threw me out if my home. I worker steady nights for 27 years. We did everything together, literally. I am the one who needs help, not him. I have cried more over the past eight weeks than during my entire life. Youve got to understand that sometimes no matter what you do its just not good enough for that other person. I dont want him to go. Said that after work we will eat and discuss plans for his exit. Fact is- the reality might be harsher now. Six months that I have been experiencing the utmost happiness, while also experiencing the most gut-wrenching guilt. Everyday I just want to die, because I have seen and felt the worst evil I have ever known.. She is bipolar and has legal issues along with immigration issues. They might even join in on helping you through this by giving comfort or simply laughing with you at how messed up your marriage is now. Since than we had a very bad fight only one day after my 40th birthday and l havent heard from him scence. Abuse should definitely be on the list. On Saturday he told me in no uncertain that it was over and made me feel stupid for not knowing. Failure to "wake up and smell the roses". She knows not what she does. My wife left me in Aug last fall. Try and stay strong, I know how it feels. I would cry all night just waiting for a hug. He wanted to book a holiday for me and my daughter( not his child bit they have become so close she shes him and loves him like s dad) and stay in the house with us pretend everything was fine and tell my daughter before we went away that we were splitting up and he would be gone when we got back,!! I believe in you, life is what we make it. I slowly rebuilt myself through counseling for over a year, meditation (I used the Calm app every night). This story was written by Niamh Tracey of Dublin, Ireland. Days are much better here this time around wasnt nearly as hard. By the way Don how do you meet people on line? Then I found out that she had actually gone away with her ex husband, and our daughter slept at a friends house to make it look good. Wasnt throwing out enough, I lost everything!!! I said that i am going to the car and he followed me and said if you leave i am calling an attorney on Monday and i am so sick and tired of you. You feel criticized. I also was finding 100 S of dollars in her car over and over and over with the pills. Knowing myself and how hard I have worked to be where I am in life, being raised in a lovely family, and overcoming another abusive relationships before I knew it was time for me to leave that relationship soon after our 6th anniversary. Always preoccupied doing something other than anything that would require real effort. We have two children together and 2 from my previous marriage. My husband from the time they were little. Then the on the Wednesday he told me he was leaving. Youre absolutely right! Great resource for those hurting, and I mean real hurting. What happened will always be reality for us and you will n shall strong and healthy for your children and yourself. I dont think he is as he has a very close relationship with his family. And i did love her very much at the time, thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her as well. I did it all. I was devastated. Maybe you want to place your studies on hold for awhile or get your family involved to temporarily help yout. Well one thing youve not mentioned is being with an alcoholic. And apparently he was to busy to reply,really awkward as we know work together ( why did he take job Iif he was going to do this) so feel only option is to return his posessions as he wont give me an answer, have asked if he doesnt love me any more to just say, etc etc, know just want to move on but he obviously thinks its fare to leave me in no mans land ! He was the greatest dad, he still sees the kids but maybe once a week. Spousal Abandonment Syndrome is when one of the spouses leaves the marriage without any warning, andusually-without having shown any signs of unhappiness with the relationship. Being a husband and a dad every day. We did counselling were he was told he had: PTSD and depression- of course there was nothing wrong with him. If your husband tries to make you happy in any way, big or small (and in my experience, he will), do your best to receive the gesture and convey your pleasure at his efforts. Well five years ago when our son was a freshman in highschool I received a phone call from him he sounded like he was in a state of shock. We are in the office Monday through Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Mountain Time, and our phone number is 888-563-2112 ext 3. Love to hear feedback, please comments welcome. I think that when the hurt has worn off a little I will let her read this. We did renovations at her cottage from laying new floors to painting and installing a new wood stove. He is the best thing that has come out of this relationship for me, and for that, I am grateful.. You might want to file a complaint against her to freeze your money before you get that back. Where r u? With research saying couples lose the Im so madly in love with you spark after 2 years at most, probably lots of couples wind up feeling like companions. My virginity was stolen from me raped at the age of 14 by 2 people I thought were my friends. When she does she simply says she doesnt want to be married anymore. She said that our marriage lacked intimacy and passion and are now more like brother and sister, she has no feelings of desire left for me at all she says and Ive spent 9 weeks trying to change her mind, but failed. They leave behind their friends, the jobs that they love, and the happy memories from years gone by. Before too long the walks and talks became much more intimate and 8 months after we connected, she left her family. How are you feeling today? Orr T. (2022). Or he /she is crazy!!! Keep me posted on how things are going for you. She will never understand just how much hurt she had made so many people feel so she could be selfish and live like a teenager ignoring the fact she has kids watching. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. there never will be. Im sorry for what you are going through Im in the exact same boat Married 17 years too he left this is my husbands 2nd affair Its sickening how a spouse can do this.. b) they get sick c) you are unfortunate enough to owe them money ( or as they think, owe them a life ) what happens to a child or sibling of one as they grow older. I need some feed back on how to deal with this.Please help me.Give me some Ideas. I didnt like the use of pronouns on this articlehe feels unappreciated, she met someone else, he doesnt love you anymore. WHY??? 3 grown daughters. And the week I left also happened to be the week we renewed our lease . Thats were the acceptance came into play . We lost our connection several years before I left. I had made all the food and he had left it all behind. One thing I am scared of is that my heart as sensible to all the facts as is it is not closed towards him. He is more interested in our character, than our comfort. He was my best friend for 16 yrs and it is killing me. Oh my God. Living is not living unless you are truly living, being respected and happy. I finally waited by the locker and he finally came to the locker 4 hours. Im sorry but she has a mind of her own and can make her own mind. Often a wife's response, although well intended, can just drive her husband even deeper into his midlife crisis. It takes a brave man to walk out on his wife and kids. Hi Wendy, I was a bit like you a year ago, had so much to reflect over I didnt know where to start . She didnt, at 35 she was sneaking off to smoke cigarettes (I was a smoker, she was not, I quit 6 years ago). We share same breathe. Well the next week she filed a pfa against me to leverage her getting the kids half time and support paying child support. My husbands sister just got served with divorce papers today I encourage you to read up on personality disorders: maybe its the same with your husband. But she left me with all unnecessary fear and stick to her parents decisions who doesnt know the ground reality but imagineIm praying to god please pray for me. Military will have his butt for Infidelity. Next Monday comes and she again asks me to be there every night after work to do all the work and begins to belittle me when I start to question whats going on, she would often tell me I didnt care about the children if I didnt want to be there but by now its getting hard, real hard. He says he loves me very much but is not in love with me I am devastated feel like Im dying inside. it looks as if your man is suffering from mental health issues. Just be true to yourself. The police were here due to a fight and they said he didnt have to leave early unless he chose to . I dont want to go on with life feeling like I do. But he hurts me everyday. Her tone and her demeanor were so condescending. So its interesting that he would say that wasnt good enough for me, that I wasnt there for him all he wanted was for someone to love him and listen to him. Reading these comments has made me feel less alone and I want to thank you all for sharing. Pschycopath, sociopath or narcissist, because he has no empathy, guilt, nothing, no feeling..this is hard for me to grasp, because I feel its my fault and I have fix it or me There You go!! I dont believe in god but I sure hope in karma. I'm not lonely or struggling with my daily tasks. You feel threatened rather than safe when you are with this person or in this environment. As I realized in conversation with the neurologist I saw, often, when you are in protracted pain for a long time, your neurological system goes on automatic; its as if theres a signal for pain that gets stuck on ON!. The papers are signed. absolutely the truth you cant endure such a tremendous heart ache without the love of Jesus and fully relying on his help to know Christ is the greatest gift on this earth in spite of all of our heartaches and trials and tribulations my husband left me in October of 2014 without of word took all of our money the car is everything personal belongings everything I came home to nothing and I dont care about the the world of goods my heart ached so terriblyworse than a death (my son died) pure disasterunable to withstand the pain in my heart although I was saved I guess I wasnt fully trusting the Lord at that moment I went outside of my secluded house in the middle of cornfields to hang myself and I took pills a lot (prescription) and I drank a bottle of whiskey in one drink I should have clearly died but did not! How can I make myself feel better and sleep better? My original post would have sounded very similar to yours here. Im sorry that you have to go through this, but all the pain youre feeling is valid. I cant sleep at night. You might think she's overreacting at being passed over for a job and she might think you're crazy for over-analyzing that awkward moment at a . I hope things are going a little better. He is not the man I have been with for the last 15 years I actually became suicidal because I was so worried about what I . Hi, another in the same boat, was with my partner for 8 years, we had had a rough year as his hours were dropped to 3 days, then he got suspended, then sacked , secured him a job at where i work, his mum extremely ill and died recently, stuck with him through all this and then 2 months ago he literally stood up and said he didnt know what he wanted and went, phone contact for a while now zilch, nothing, have asked in a text as he not speaking ( so didnt want to mither) if were done yes or no ? His behavior is classic. But its almost sociopathic, I think, to be so accommodating to the same person that you were in a self- described toxic relationship with and a partner that you couldnt ever communicate with and now be completely calm and methodical with. My husband and I have been separated from each other due to deployment. Our self esteem is 0!! Peace of mind is what I want. Its truly disgusting. So sorry to hear this..:( I have been with wife for 18 years and she wants a divorce. He said no, that for the first time in years he finally had a best friend. No one is perfect, but Its not you. I dont get it for you either. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. Now, she wont even speak to me as apparently Ive never helped her, or understood her sickness in her eyes. Im surprised falling out of love is listed as one of the reasons. My wife of 20 years asked me to move out 33 days ago we have 3 kids together two boys 6 and 19 and a 13 year old girl. I font think Ive ever felt pain like it. I love him and miss him so much. He said he filed for divorce on April 14. And they turned their back on me and their grand kids. How so? There is no weekends off. To make things better. I know we fought and that wasnt good for the kids but how can you just cut some one out of your life like shes done to me. The next day he told me that he did not want it to continue in a relationship with me. I am unsure what to do. I hate waking up at 4 am and not feel him laying in the bed beside me. By: Leslie Cane: I sometimes hear from wives who are beyond frustrated that their husband is moping around the house and putting his unhappiness on full display. Too make it short our son had to go with me to pick up her car several times her friends brought her car home once before she drove her car off road through a mailbox into a tree totaled car was able to get past cop because he was looking for signs of alcohol let her manipulate him with a phantom car story and I was not notified until her car was towed to a lot. Rachel Im sure everyone on this site will concur that most partners who leave think about it for years before doing it. Except for Christs love, there is none here on earth. My counselor(s), have said he is a sick person. My son is 9 months tomorrow and their daddy walked out on us yet again today. I know it hurts, my husband left me too. God the waves of dispair are so crushing. The takeaway. I took them back Monday and that was that. Listen Im going thru the same thing bro.fiance left me for her young boss..we have a 2 year old daughter and I went from having our own apartment to me moving back with my mother and starting over and shes still dealing with him for the past 4months now. And who are the casualties in all this? I am livid with her, but at the same time I love her, and would do anything to be able to sort things out and get us back together.

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