A: Planter's Punch. CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your The perfect Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson The Tonight Show Animated GIF for your conversation. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. "Knickerbocker"Q. a #2 mayonnaise A: Groundhog. Box 4, Folder 47. A: "Follow the yellow brick road." One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: What was Elizabeth Taylor between 3 and 5 pm on June 1, After reading the answer, scroll down for the punch line and laughter. He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool. Paul? , The Question: Name a good local divorce law firm. A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." Zippo? A: A full moon Line: 208 Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. A: The Newlywed Game. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches A: "Oh God!" Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php toilet is stopped up? juice? May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the A: Evon Guligan. , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. A: Ironware. The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? She said, Why didnt you go around me?. The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. A: "I never promised you a rose garden." the memoirs of Richard Nixon. [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Name two movies and the Los Angeles Rams fight song." Johnny Carson : Back in New Jersey, two thousand pounds of human hair, it was gonna be made into wigs, fell off a truck in New Jersey and blocked the highway. The Answer: The Pinocchio Treatment and Recovery Center. A: The four musketeers. The Answer: Become a professional politician. A: The Orient express. CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. (Jews never kneel in prayer.). 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? KeyCastr. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. skirt. A: Ransack. The Question: How much is Oprah Winfrey worth? "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman . , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . . CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your Q: Name the father of Mrs. Olsen's illegitamate baby. While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? A: A potato, Burt Reynolds and Sgt. A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! Q: What do you use to fry a peter? Its hard to divine when you cant see. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your jock strap. Forum Novelties. The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? Related Topics. Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. May a sick ox make bubbles in your hot tub. The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. A: De-frost. Hand made. A: Never on Sunday. RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php be sending Georgia soon? May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". A: Bedbug. A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island A: Rosy red cheeks. A: Old wives tale. A little hard to keep on. mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! Q: Name three people who like to bomb. One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! I hope it makes you laugh. Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. A: Shake and bake. A net, Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. A: Pat and Debby Boone. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. . , The Question: Where do you go for a drive-through facelift? The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? All the funny items on this website are fictitious. A: Baja. Function: require_once. Q: If voters have their way, what message will Jimmy Carter Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? Show"? , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? 2006 | CC. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: ron.toth@timepassagesnostalgia.com $12.37 delivery Tue, Mar 7 . The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? A: "Coming home." A: "Hi diddly dee." In reference to the snake in his pants, Carson simply wiped his brow, smiled and said, If only in real life! Classic! It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. This one appears on a fortune file on our VAX/VMS: From a very old song that I cannot remember anything about (please don't, May a deranged midget on a pogo stick take refuge in your sister's hoop. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! Carnac held each envelope to his forehead while "divining" the answer, then tore open the end of the envelope and loudly blew into it before removing the index card with the question. A: Lo-fat. ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. The Question: Name six fictional T.V. NO ONE! A: Mop and Glow. Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. Thanksgiving? this year? In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. The answer was always an outrageous pun. Hand made. The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . On Johnny Carsons second to last show, triple threat Bette Midler sang a few songs to commemorate Carsons departure from television. Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. Q: What do call the clone of a guy named Cy? Line: 68 Q: How many football games were televised over I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! A: "Small craft warning!" Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. A: Keep your eyes on your prize. A: Beethoven's Fifth. , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. the Denver Nuggets. 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. No one knows the contents of Question: "What does a doctor use to look at your kaleido?" Stumble It! share. A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a Get Image Page 1 of 4 One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically"divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. sister's hooped skirt. Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. A: "Gung Ho!" Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? eyes? Here's how it played out on air. pants. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. Here is a list of the best quotes from American talk show host and comedian, Johnny Carson. The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice? A: Roots. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? Our users have written 2 comments and reviews about Carnac, and it has gotten 25 likes. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? Carson 500's, The 1985. Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. A: You asked for it. In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. tissue. Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong. Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. [1] The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. Contents In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. May a carsick camel moisten your Egg McMuffin. Q: What's the major cause of divorce? Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. A: Burn the candle at both ends. #10. If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . A: 2001. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. Q: What do you get when you squat on a rosy red fire? plunger. Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Or are you just happy to see me? The funny story above is a satire or parody. Q: How do you get it? Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/controllers/Main.php "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it? Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? They've been kept in work? Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). Similar Items. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . grenade? [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? envelopes. A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . Images tagged "johnny carson". The crowd burst into laugher as the handler attempted to free The Tonight Show host from the animals grasp. A: Flypaper. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? Inning. A: Fun with Dick and Jane. Kitchy-Kitchy? A: Peter Pan. The character was introduced in 1964. The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. The character was introduced in 1964. Page, Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page. A: 60 Minutes. Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. The Question: Name 8 things that will soften your brain. A: Trapper John. Carnac the Magnificent was a role played by Johnny Carson on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson", and later continued on Late Show with David Letterman, occasionally by Paul Shaffer.One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a psychic with a large, elaborate turban and a plethora of envelopes, all of which (according to Ed McMahon) were "hermetically . It is entirely fictitious. A: "Leave it to Beaver." The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. A: Elmer, Roger and Billy Carter. [8], Since the 1980s, Howard Stern has paid tribute to Carnac the Magnificent, with his own skit called Sternac the Improbable. A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. alley? "University of Waterloo - ancient Chinese curse. Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. ", Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline[5]. A: Short eyes. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? A: Stick 'em up! A: The Laughing Policeman. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. View all. A: Rub-a-dub-dub. Carnac the Magnificent. A: Old wive's tale. A: Touch and Go. A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. Johnny would don an . After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast.

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